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Disclaimer: I do not take responsibility for any injuries caused from reading these jokes
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains.
There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey
brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs . The second
says "Avon Salesman" and costs . The third says "Drummer" and costs
,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for ,000 when I can
get an astrophysicists' for ?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to
play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in,
approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there
and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the
fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a
Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny,
Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were
standing in the corners, who would get the money?
The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.
A lady walks into a store and tell the man behind the counter she would
like some musican brains. "Alright" he says, "What kind?".
"How much do they cost?" she asks.
"Well, those there are trumpeters at a pound, those are french horns at
a pound, and those are conductors' at a pound." He replies.
"What are those way back there?" she asks.
"Those are drummers brains. They cost a pound." He replies.
"GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?"
"Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!".
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Q:Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
Q: How can you make a drummer slow down?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him
Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop?
A: Put notes on it!
Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
The classic one:
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys
in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....
Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
Q: What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
Q: How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A: The drools comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth
Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"
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